Husband V/S Wife

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I’d be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?

Husband: A lovely Push…!!!

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, “Yes dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice

I get this from the email…

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as EPL 2.0, F1 3.0 and Internet 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Stella 6.1.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

Work hard at what you like to do and try to overcome all obstacles.

Laugh at your mistakes and praise yourself for learning from them.

Pick some flowers and appreciate the beauty of nature.

Say hello to strangers and enjoy the people you know.

Don’t be afraid to show your emotions laughing and crying make you feel better.

Love your friends and family with your entire being they are the most important part of your life.

Feel the calmness on a quiet sunny day.

Find a rainbow and live your world of dreams always remember life is better than it seems.

My Twin Happiness

Why I fired my Secretary
>
>
>
> Last week was my birthday
> And I didn’t feel very well
> Waking up on that morning.
>
>
>
> I went downstairs for breakfast
> Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
> ‘Happy Birthday!’,
> And possibly have a small present for me.
>
> As it turned out,
> She barely said good morning,
> Let alone
> ‘ Happy B irthday.’
>
> I thought…
> Well,
> that’s marriage for you,
> But the kids….
> They will remember.
>
> My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
> And didn’t say a word..
> So when I left for the office,
> I felt pretty low
> And somewhat despondent.
>
>
> As I walked into
>  my office,
> My secretary Jane said,
> ‘Good Morning Boss,
> And by the way
> Happy Birthday ! ‘
> It felt a little better
> That at least someone had remembered.
>
>
> I worked until one o’clock ,
> When Jane knocked on my door
> And said, ‘You know,
> It’s such a beautiful day outside,
> And it is your Birthday,
> What do you say we go out to lunch,
> Just you and me.’
> I said, ‘Thanks, Jane,
> that’s the greatest thing
> I’ve heard all day.
> Let’s go !’
>
> We went to lunch.
> But we didn’t go
> Where we normally would go.
> She chose instead a quiet bistro
> With a private table.
> We had two martinis each
> And I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
>
> On the way back to the office,
> Jane said, ‘You know,
> It’s such a beautiful day…
> We don’t need to go straight back to the office,
> Do We ?’
>
> I responded,
> ‘I guess not..
> What do you have in mind ?’
> She said,
> ‘Let’s drop by my apartment,
> it’s just around the corner.’
>
>
> After arriving at her apartment,
> Jane turned to me and said,
> ‘ Boss, if you don’t mind,
> I’m going to step into the bedroom
> For just a moment.
> I’ll be right back.’
>
>
> ‘Ok.’ I nervously
>  replied.
>
> She went into the bedroom and,
> After a couple of minutes,
> She came out
> Carrying a huge birthday cake …
> Followed
> By my wife,
> My kids,
> And dozens of my friends
> And co-workers,
> All singing ‘Happy Birthday’.
>
>
> And I just sat there…
>
>
>
>
> On the couch…
>
>
>
>
> Naked.

I got this from an email OK? It’s not my story. I dun have any secretary or SECRETary anyway. And my wife and kids do remember my birthday

Well actually D-Day plus One is yesterday. D-Day = the day that when we need to do all the things by ourselves as the maid decided to leave. As I am the one who volunteered to stay at home and take care all the kids while wifey fulfilling her appointments. I have to admit it’s quite awkward for me at first but as the day progressed, I’m getting used to all the house chores even though the house usually filled with shouting from me, the twins and of cause their usual victim, Iman.

So what did I do actually? First I have to get the twins to take their bath. Thankfully they do love playing with water and especially when I turn on the shower. The only problem is to make them leave the bathroom and the only trick that I have is to turn off the lite and they will scramble to get out of the bathroom (usually they will have some small fight with each other on who should get out first. This is where the shouting match will starts between them and me)

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....

Then of cause I have to feed them. The usual diet is their milk and scramble eggs (most of the time they will eat one or two spoonful and then play with the rest of the eggs in their bowl). While they are playing with their food, I will start to do some laundry, wash the dishes and yeah some cooking as well. As for yesterday, wifey already prepared breakfast and lunch for us (she know that I’m quite helpless when cooking for the kids).

These chores will last to the lunch hour where for the twins, they had some vegetable soup (yes. They only want the soup – the watery part and not the soup content). They will only have one or two spoonful of rice in that soup but they can take up to two bowl of soup. After lunch, I took them to my room and let them watching their favourite channel and in short period of time, both of them dozed off. Within that time, I managed to complete and submit my monthly report to the Project Manager. Terer eh?

After they woke up, the chaos resumed (HAHA). So as usual besides the customary smiling-after-wake-up, they will request for their daily dosage of milk. In the mean time, while waiting for my eldest daughter return from school around 6 pm, another laundry activities, settling the outstanding dishes at the kitchen sink and yeah, sweeping the floow, taking out the thrash and other chores.

Once Nisha reached home, we then started our house cleaning operation before wifey came home (and start nagging about the house condition). Me, Nisha, Iman and the twins, yeah the twins also somehow surprised me with their co-operative behavior in cleaning up the house (even thought they started to hit Iman with the broom afterward)

Then while waiting for wifey, we had our dinner, Oh yeah.. I cook for dinner and thankfully there’s no complaint from the kids especially from Nisha.. The last chore for the day was when I have to become the plumber in order to remove the interruption to the water flow from the kitchen sink. Ahh I became an electrician last few days when we had lighting problem with the master bedroom’s bathroom and our daughter’s room’s bathroom.

Even though it is tiring but I’ve learned a lot especially about my kids. I know their favourite TV show, the exact time for their meals, what are the signals or their behavior when they are really hungry or when they just want to play with the foods, how to really make them listen to you (OK shouting doesn’t help but somehow it does increase the odds ) and somehow someway I do feel that I’m closer to my children than before.

Maybe there’s a silver lining in the dark clouds anyway…

p/s: Why i didn’t mention about Iman? Because she’s in semi auto pilot already. She knows what she should that at what time. She helps me a lot actually especially in interpreting what the twins actually wanted hahaha..

To be frank, overall I’m in the stage of overcoming some tests that the God has given to me. Some of the tests are quite challenging that I think without the support of my loved ones, I might suffer what I call mental break down. Some times I do feel like I want to scream at the top of my lung but after thinking about the consequence and the benefits of doing it, I’ve decided against doing that. Yeah I do feel that I’ve reached the limit many times.

Last two days, my maid decided to leave us. She just pack her things, leave the twins and then she left. Fortunately she still has the decency to sms wifey and asked her to come home as soon as possible because the twins were at home alone. So wifey called me, fetched me from the office, went back to the house and gladly and gratefully to see the twins happily playing within the house compound. Fortunately the neighbour’s maid was there to accompany them and it seems that Nisha also skipped her school. I take it as it’s another test for me and honestly this is the least challenging compared to others.

I know that this maid is going to leave us someday and to be honest I do not have the feeling to retain her as well especially after the case of Iman’s hand poured with hot boiled water. She told us that Iman was playing with the boiler but all the post incident events indicate that she was hiding something.

Nevermind… For all the things that happened to me and my family, I know that maybe in the future the God will reward us with something that beyond our imagination. Who knows rite

Happy birthday to my twins. 2 Years old already eh